The Conjuring: Movie Review. No Spoiler!

>> Thursday, August 15, 2013

Now, being a Malaysian, I can honestly say that Hollywood horror movies rarely scare me. I mean, sure, jump-out-of-your-seats-cheap-surprise-tactics, maybe. But scared? Puh-lease. I grew up accepting the fact that if I play hide and seek from dusk onward, the infamous hantu tetek (erm, a ghost who has huge pair of breasts) will hide me in her bosom and no one will be able to hear my cries of help as, I  imagine, I am being crushed to death by mammoth sized knockers.

Top that, Hollywood!

So when my sister tells me that I have to watch The Conjuring itisthescariestmovieever since Britney Spear's debut movie Crossroads, needless to say, I am more than a little skeptic.

Thus, skeptically and with as much skepticism that I can muster, I looked it up online. No lame Hollywood ghost story is worth the money, time and hassle, I figured. If I was going to bother with finding a baby sitter for my kids, dress up and eat a bucket load of popcorn, The Conjuring better received at least a Fresh certification on Rotten Tomatoes. It did. Standing at 86% from both Critics and Audience.

Fun fact, did you know that this was based on a true story from the case files of paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren? So was Black Hawk Down, you say, and we all know how "true" to actual events that was. Alright, how about I tell you that it was directed by James Wan, a Malaysian-born Australian film producer, screenwriter and film director who directed the film Saw? I mean, nobody knows horror better than us Asians, is there? Co-incidentally, James will also direct the next Fast and Furious project, so suppose I should re-phrase it as nobody knows horror and dangerous-rempit style driving better than us Asians, is there? But that is neither here nor there.

Amidst much rambling, the question remains, is this movie scary and should you go and watch it? The answer is Kinda-yes and Yes! The scare are a-plenty and unpredictable. More than once my actual scream of fright was drowned out by the voice of arguable manly shrieks that immediately afterwards are accompanied by nervous laughter. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Mr I'm-too-macho-to-show-fear-in-front-of-my-girl. I could totally smell the fear coming off you. It's a mixture of anti-antiperspirant and urine leakage, in case you were wondering what fear actually smells like.

Is this movie up to par with the Thai version of Shutter? Probably not. No Asian ghost would have been that easy to defeat. But The Conjuring does give it a run for its money. So, if you have trouble staying awake at night, or you think that an antique wardrobe with a creaking door would look amazing opposite your bed, this is the movie for you.

Final note of advice, if you are the jumpy type, you might wanna pass the popcorn bucket over to your less jumpy buddy. Trust me on this one.  


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